Lately I find myself day dreaming about Roman orgies. Frankly, it’s why I never remember to pick up my husband’s dry cleaning. The early stages of parenthood have been some of the unsexiest years of my life. I’m not gonna bore you with the multitude of ways my children earned their black belts in cockblocking. However, no one should ever hold a baby monitor to their ear while also holding a dick.
Recently, my husband and I decided our family was complete. It was touch and go for a while. My uterus was in a pissing contest with my libido but we’ve successfully replaced ourselves on Earth, and we’re done. My body can go back to being just mine. Unfortunately my 20 year old tits aren’t coming back without a central line. The irony is I have more confidence now in one saggy boob then I ever did when you could bounce a quarter off my juicy fruit ass. I’ve always heard about the sexuality of women in their late 30’s and 40’s but couldn’t really grasp the situation. I watched 80’s classics like “My Tutor” and “Class” but never understood this was older lady porn. Why do you think Vampires are so hot right now? I never gave a shit about vampires or anything vampire related until I realized they are older lady porn. I’ve even made piece with Blanche Devereaux taking it in the pooper. It used to freak me out that she was such a slut, but now, you go with your dry aged vagina!
My husband is partly to blame for this situation since he stepped up and took one for the team. He got a Vasextomy. That’s right, we have entered a BABY FREE FUCK ZONE. This is the first time I’ve truly had baby free sex. No need for pills or coils or questions like, “Did it break? Did it fall off? Is it up by my ears?” It’s like I stole Pandora ’s Box and well, fucked it.
I’m not a crazy nympho and I understand some of this is probably wrapped up with getting older. Although, I’ve always been told I look younger than I am, I need to start taking measures to ensure father time doesn’t make me take it in the face. Regardless of the reasons, I’m fully embracing this new part of my life. It’s making me remember the girl who went to Amsterdam alone and the time a stranger stopped me on the street to tell me he thought I was beautiful. In my fantasy though he sees me in a crowded room and our eyes meet. We excuse ourselves to the coat room and…