Monday, May 31, 2010

The Housewife Of Tomorrow

I’m pissed at Steve Jobs. Every other week this man invents something smaller and faster, designed to make life easier. Whose life exactly? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the fruits of his labor, but I could live without watching a movie on the toilet. You know what I can’t live without? A self loading and unloading dishwasher. The last time I checked I only had a washer and dryer. Where the fuck is my “folder?” If Steve Jobs had to do multiple loads of laundry a day you know we’d have an “iFold” by now. Its 2010, housewives need in on this action. My shit needs an upgrade and while your there, invent a 3G spot.

Ovens and microwaves have been doing the same thing since they were invented. Sure, they’ve gotten some bells and whistles over the years but you still have to cook stuff. With the kind of technology out there today you should be able to walk over to a box, say, “turkey dinner” and have a hot turkey dinner shoved in your face. It’s ridiculous we still have to vacuum our houses. I don’t care if it spins dirt or does the Roomba; it’s still just a vacuum. I need a mouthy robot servant with vacu-arms. Most importantly, I need to be able to teleport. Frankly, who wouldn’t benefit from being beamed from place to place? At the very least we should have a Super Skyway by now. Every future movie I’ve ever seen has dangled this space craft bullshit in front of me, so where is it?

If we could eradicate the “busy work” from our lives just think of how much time we’d have left for what’s really important. Since I’m asking if someone could invent a flushable car toilet I’d really appreciate that too.

20 comments:

Jason said...

I love this. Your brain is awesome. Keep this up.

Angel said...

I agree with you! I always wanted my own "Rosie" from the Jetsons!

Margaret said...

You know, I'm normally pretty excited about my Scooba, but now I'm just depressed that it doesn't do windows.

Where is my jet-pack?

amommymous said...

So true. My husband has gone through I-don't-know-how-many cell phone upgrades in the last 6 years and keeps up on gadgets like his life depended on it. But I'm still doing laundry in my "Lady Kenmore" (Yes, that's actually what it's called) from at least 35 years ago.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I want the life of the Jetsons too. Or Samantha Stevens. I would be happy with that one too.

Why Is Daddy Crying said...

I totally want to bang Jane Jetson.... And the younger daughter has to be like 20-something now right? So I'd like to bang her too...that'd be great. Thanks!

The Sweetest said...

Omg, if Apple made a dishwasher I would buy it today. Way before I bought a new iphone since they will just come out with a new version 3 months from now.

JenJen said...

My son just today said, "mom, we need a maid." and I said, "Jr., what we need is for you to pick up your crap."
lil shit. If we get a maid...what will I do all day?!
sigh. Kids, can't live with 'em, can't lock them in a tower.

Mwa said...

Here here! So true.

AlexanderDope said...

Come on ladies, don't you think the husbands could use a little help too? I'd really like a lawnmower that I didn't have to push and could just drive like a car. Bad example. I'd like to not have to get up to change the TV channel. Never mind. Would be great if there was a high speed computer network so I could work from home and not spend so much time commuting. Check. OK, How about an automaton to fetch me beers on demand? Actually, got two of those just for having sex with my wife and, even sweeter, she takes care of 'em.

Guess I see why they call it penis envy.

Suniverse said...

Sign me up for one of everything. I am sick to death of being kept down by the man. DAMN THE MAN.

Sabreena said...

I'll take 2 of the 3G spots and the iFold. I am having definite doubts about our technology right now because no one can figure out how to plug up that f*cking tube spewing oil into the gulf.

Madison said...

Oh my God, you are hilarious! I will definitely be visiting your blog more often and I am so with you on the ifold and the other inventions. I mean for God sakes, they were all conceived in the 70's with the Jetsons. Shouldn't someone have made them a reality by now. I keep telling my friends I need a wife. I tell my husband she'd only be there for my needs not his if you get what I mean. But I like your ideas much better, less temptation in the house. Although if I could walk up to the stove and just say "low fat chocolate molten lava cake" and it would appear, I might just have an orgasm.

Karen said...

I want that dishwasher. I have no problem loading the stupid thing but for some reason touching all those clean, shiny dishes makes me cringe.

yogurt said...

I'd like to pre-order an iMaid, please. Or better, make that iMancake.

The Lady's Lounge said...

I would like my emails to have a customized spam filter, be delivered to my mind and responded to by thoughts.

I would also like a robot dog walker/floor washer that helps my children with their homework so I can have more time for important things like writing, sitting on the balcony judging the neighbours and wine drinking.

Just throwing those out there.

JC Little said...

3G spot tee hee =D

Madison said...

We miss you are you coming back?

Hamlet's Mistress said...

I've been looking for my "one great idea" to make me a gazillionaire. I totally think we should team up on this. granted, I have no marketable skills whatsoever to get these projects off the ground... but once done, ours won't need a "fix" within the first week after release. Because we're women and we'd get it right the first time.

Jet said...

Oh,your blog is very nice .I really like it ^^!



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