Friday, May 21, 2010

Oedipus and Electra went up the hill…

My daughter is enamored with my husband and honestly I can’t blame her. He’s a rock star in our house. So much so that my birthday card this year was a picture she drew of him. When I asked her why my card was a picture of daddy she said, “So you can think of him.” Ummm okay? A few days later she tells me, “I want daddy to do my eye drops. I’m just really attached to him right now. I mean, I like you.” You like me? Excuse me? The final straw was when she busted out with, “daddy is the funniest one in the family.” What the shit!?!? GIRRRRLLL I’LL PULL YO WEAVE!!!!

My son has been acting like a complete asshole lately. I know this sounds harsh, but it’s the most accurate description of his behavior. Go ahead, judge me. I’ll make you spend a month with him. I jest a little. He’s an amazing boy who I love very much but he makes life harder than it needs to be. At least twice a week he shuns me at pre-school pick up. While the other moms are greeted with smiles and outstretched arms I get, “No! I want daddy.” It takes all my power not to say “So do I. I want nothing more than to be with daddy, sipping cocktails, naked on an island but the reality is I’m here to pick you up.” For the next few hours he flip flops between declaring his love for me and threatening to push me down the stairs and send me to jail. It’s like living with Ike Turner. If Lifetime had a Jr.’s division we’d sure as shit be an original movie.

Recently we had an extra challenging morning at our house. I’m not gonna bore you with the details but it was a cluster fuck. I don’t know how we veered off schedule but we did and tensions ran high. After three fights and two rounds of tears over French Toast Sticks, we were almost out the door. My son turned to me and said, “Mama. I’m gonna marry you tonight.” My daughter got all pissed and it turned into another argument. In the midst of all of it, I realized they’re fighting over me and I smiled. She doesn’t want to kill me so she can marry her father and not all boys want to fuck their mothers. Although the last time I agreed to marry him he did say, “YAY! And then we’ll get babies!” On second thought maybe I should sleep with one eye open.

14 comments:

Francis said...

Awww girl, I want to give you a hug and take you out for a nice cold beer. Being a mom is probably one of the hardest jobs out there, other than being Larry Craig's rent boy (you KNOW he has one).

john louden said...

Yes, as I recall a kid's raison d'etre is to make life harder than it needs to be. I've enjoyed sharing ur family foibles. Funny stuff.

AlexanderDope said...

I'm glad I stayed up past my bedtime to read your latest. It was definitely worth another days' growth of the bags under my eyes.

It's really tough for the work-at-home parent to compete with the returning hero. When I was commuting I was greeted like Neil Armstrong back from the moon every day. Now, working from my home office, I'm greeted in the morning with "go back up to your office and go to work".

I know it can be heartbreaking, but the kids are reacting to the roles more than to the parents as individuals. Someone once told me that parenting, like life, isn't for pussies. Hang in there - they love you and I know you love them.

Jules said...

I appreciate the fact that parents can tell and admit when their kids are acting like assholes. Hell, I admire when I can admit I am acting like one.

WhyIsDaddyCrying said...

Well done woman! You're wanted by your kids way more than you know. I always test it by ditching them in the middle of a busy shopping center. When they finally see you they come running and give you the biggest hug ever!

Great post!

allconsoffun said...

yanno i think any normal parent at least THINKS their child is being an asshole ONCE during childhood. sounds like we're fortunate enough to think it/say it/live it several times a wk during their childhood....

let us know where the party will be held. and are you registering? lol

mepsipax said...

Ah....it's funny cause it's true. You make my fucked up life look normal. And no, not all son's want to sleep with their mother...ewww.

Logical Libby said...

My daughter loves me -- until my husband comes home. I blame it on the fact he never tells her no.

The Swetest said...

Oh, Daddy is The Shit at our house, too. "No, Mommy! No, Mommy!"
I guess because, at least for us, time with Daddy is scarce. But, right now, your little girl probably does want to marry her Daddy. If he plays along, she'll seek healthy relationships as an adult :)

Heather Griffith Brewer said...

You just made me feel a million times better.
There are days when my daughter can be a total bitch...and I always feel like a jerk for thinking that.
Even though it's true.
A lot.

Aunt Becky said...

Hm, well, all of my kids like me best. I guess I am just better than you.

ZDub said...

My kids like my mom the best.

IT PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF.

Jenn said...

So glad to hear that another mom out there gets irritated with her kids. Oh, and I refuse to use Stay at Home Mom. I have dubbed myself Stay at Home Hottie. Its a new movement!

Margaret said...

Do you ever want to point out to them that the only reason that exist is because Daddy likes YOU the best?

:-D