Sunday, November 7, 2010

Goodnight Youth

When I was a girl my bedtime routine consisted of washing and brushing. Within minutes I was in bed, snuggled with my stuffed animals. As I got older the occasional blemish popped up requiring an extra step, but I was still warm and cozy fairly quickly. In college, convinced I looked like a Puerto Rican boy, I began “moustache maintenance” which further increased my time commitment.

Luckily in my 20’s, I often came home wasted at 2AM which rendered me content to pass out with make-up plastered to my face. Last night’s mascara was next morning’s eyeliner.

In the past few years though, I find myself standing on the cold tile for what feels like 2.5 hours scrutinizing my face in a magnified mirror. It’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be, but I’ve said goodnight to my youth. This reminded me of one of my children’s favorite bedtime books, “Goodnight Moon.”

Goodnight Youth:

In a quiet bathroom
There was rejuvenating goo
And fine line cream too

Tooth whitening paste
Ultra moisturizing face
Overpriced gunk
Gets you out of that funk
You’re not over the hill
There’s no magic pill

Be a sexy spouse
In a grown up house
You tweeze & you push
Try to lift up your tush
Spice things up by shaving your bush

Goodnight Retin A
Goodnight Le Mer
Goodnight wrinkles everywhere

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cute! And sadly, true...

Mommy Wis(h)dom said...

Growing up kind of stinks!!

Although admitedly, I still forget to wash my makeup off at night. You find a way to lift that tush that doesn't cost money - I'm right there with you!!

J.R. Reed said...

Those are some dope rhymes, yo! Word to your mother. But not your mother-in-law...

Why Is Daddy Crying said...

Well done lady. I now firmly believe you look like Tammy Faye Baker at day and Carrot Top at night. Scary bish!

Tyrone said...

I love this. Also, I'm a little afraid. The fellas need a version of this.

Nicole said...

I was thinking these same thoughts while looking in my magnified mirror. I'm so glad you wrote about it!

MommaKiss said...

Will any of this help with my ass dimples? no?

KeepingYouAwake said...

Not just a poem, but an ode to Goodnight Moon? BRAVO!

There are people who get to look the same forever, like Keanu Reeves, who may be a vampire, and there's the rest of us. A wrinkle here and there are signs of what you've done, and proof that your not new to the game.

What's important is the rate at which your mind is aging, and I can tell you that yours is still very young. Frisky, even.

The Lady's Lounge said...

laughing
crying
laughing
crying

Why is there no magic pill?
Why??

Meredith said...

I am right there! This post totally descibes the pain that I feel and the routine I go through everyday. I cannot belive it when I apply wrinkle cream. How did this happen?

Just Plain Tired said...

Well, the alternative to not getting older, is quite frankly not getting older, and that would kind of suck.

I personally don't want anyone looking at me lying in a coffin saying "hey, he looks pretty good."

That just means to me I went out too damn early, and stuff. ;)

yogurt said...

I may have to recite this nightly. It really is tough to age and try to maintain some ultra thin semblance of sexy. Really tough.

And I love this line, "Last night’s mascara was next morning’s eyeliner."

The Empress said...

Oh, this is a song I have to memorize.

laughing and laughing, I think out of misery, but, still, laughing:

thank you

Judy said...

As I am much older than you, let me say that eventually, you will go back to not doing much cause you just don't give a shit. I still do some plucking in the morning cause a girl has to have some standards, but at night I wash the face, brush the teeth, through on a little cream and head to bed. You see, the husband's eyes get bad and they can't see a lot of detail. No one else looks at you after a certain age anyway. It all works out.

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Melinda said...

Ha ha you captured that perfectly. I can't see my bathroom counter for all the "please give me a miracle" creams. So true. Eventually you learn to love the wrinkles a sign of wisdom... Or I just keep telling myself that.

Lindsey said...

Lololololol. That was awesome and yet so true!!! I can't look into the mirror too long b/c it just depresses me every time I see a new line or new gray hair that requires plucking.

Natasha Olivera said...

The damn blemishes keep popping up for me & I'm in my mid-thirties. All I can think when I look in the mirror is WTF! When's it going to stop! And while people think it's a compliment when they mistake me for an older teen, I find it offensive! Anyways, thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone in this! :)